adhd + new connection energy is a horrible combo and i think im using the LS as a dopamine slot machine

this is gonna sound bad but im gonna say it. im 34, diagnosed adhd at 31 (the women-getting-diagnosed-in-their-30s wave, classic), on vyvanse, married 7 yrs, my husband's 36, weve been in the LS just under 2 yrs. brighton-ish area. and i need to say out loud what i think ive been hiding from myself. ive started realising that the bit of the LS that actually lights me up isnt the sex. its the FIRST 72 HOURS of a new connection. the messaging spiral. the "omg i can't believe i found someone who gets the joke". the first meet where the chemistry hits and you're leaving the bar at 11pm planning when to see them again. i can replay those 72 hrs for weeks in my head. and then... the second i actually have them. like once we've played, once they're a "regular", once theres a thursday text about ordering pizza... the dopamine cliff is brutal. i go from obsessed to bored in like 9 days flat and i feel like a monster. and i can see myself doing the thing now. i can SEE myself unconsciously cycling thru new couples to get the hit. ive ghosted two couples this year who did literally nothing wrong, they just stopped being new. my therapist (yes, ive started therapy, partly bc of this) called it "novelty chasing as adhd regulation" and it landed so hard i couldnt speak for like a minute. my husband doesnt know how much of a spiral this has become for me internally. he thinks were just having a good run. but i know whats driving it on my end isnt the LS its my brain hunting a dopamine fix bc work is boring and the vyvanse is great for focus but it doesnt do anything for the novelty-monster underneath. and now im scared the LS is actually bad for me specifically and im not sure how to talk to him about it bc he loves the scene and didnt sign up for "my wifes adhd is using ur lifestyle as a casino"