austin, sunday 1am, parking lot of a club we shouldn't have gone to

sitting in the car. she's crying. i'm not. the AC is loud, the gear shift smells like the burrito we shared at six. we went to this club off east 6th supposed to be 'couples friendly' which turned out to mean men in suits staring and one woman who tried to grab her arm. she wanted to leave i wanted to leave we both pretended we didn't for like an hour because we'd driven 40 minutes and got a sitter til 2. so now we're here. she keeps saying im so sorry im so sorry. for what. for wanting to try. i think. or for hating it. idk. we've been talking about 'doing something' for a year, this was the first attempt, it was bad, like immediately bad. how do you come back from a first attempt that was that bad. do you try again with better research?? do you call it and pretend the year of conversation didnt happen?? she works in a school district she cant even tell anyone she tried she'd die. im in tech ill survive. anyway. parking lot still. shes calmer now. we need to drive.