BiM trying to find actual play partners and its bleak out here

out bi man, 36, in a long term thing with a poly bi woman who is fully supportive of me playing with men separately. great in theory. in practice ive been on apps for 8 months and the experience has been... rough. grindr is mostly hookups with men who freak out the second they hear i have a primary partner whos a woman. couples apps treat me like a unicorn that doesnt fit any of their boxes. the LS clubs in toronto are still pretty hetero-centric for blokes. the queer scene assumes if youre with a woman you must be doing the closeted bi thing. like im out, im here, where do i go. how do other BiMs in ENM actually find their people. i feel like im falling between every available stool