BJ counts as full or soft, the eternal debate, fight

lol ok this is honestly the dumbest argument my wife and i keep having. she says oral is full. i say oral is soft. we've actually been at parties where the host couple said "soft means no PIV but oral fine" and other parties where soft explicitly excludes oral too. it changes our whole night depending on who we're with. i think we need to just pick our own definition and stop letting other ppl define it for us but i wanna hear how everyone here lands on it. is BJ on someone else's partner soft or full in YOUR rulebook and why