co-parenting w an ex who would absolutely use this against me in court, paranoia is wrecking me
this is the heaviest one ive posted. F35, two kids 6 and 8, divorced 3 yrs, current partner M37 weve been together 2 yrs. ex is... not great. weve had a fairly stable 60/40 custody arrangement on paper but he has historically threatened to "take it back to court" any time he doesnt like something in my life. when i first started dating again he tried to make an issue of it. when partner moved in with me he tried to make an issue of it. partner and i went to our first LS thing 4 months ago, a discreet meet and greet, kids were w ex that weekend. it was great, we want to keep exploring. but my paranoia about this getting back to ex is THROUGH THE ROOF. like ive made us delete the apps from our phones, ive made us use a separate email, weve never been to a venue in our city, we drive 2 hrs to anything. the rational part of me knows what consenting adults do in their off-custody time is not a custody issue in our jurisdiction, also my lawyer has said multiple times that the bar for changing custody is high and lifestyle is not on its own a factor, and btw the kids have no idea whatsoever, theyve never been near anything, theyre always w ex or w my mum when we do anything. but the paranoid part of me reads abt the one in a million case where someone did get screwed in court over something like this and i cant breathe. how do other coparents w less-than-ideal exes manage the risk?? do you just accept theres a small risk and live anyway?? do you put it all on hold til the kids are older?? is there a level of operational security thats "enough" without being so much that you cant actually enjoy yourselves?