dead bedroom 4 years... is opening up actually mental or our last shot

right so my husband and i (im 38 hes 41, manchester) have been in a proper dead bedroom for nearly 4 yrs now. nothing. like literal nothing. we love each other we still cuddle on the sofa but the second it gets sexual one of us goes cold and we just... stop. weve done couples counselling twice. didnt move the needle. last month after a bottle of wine he said "what if we tried the lifestyle" and i nearly choked. but here we are 3 weeks later actually messaging a couple from a club in leeds and ive felt more turned on flirting with my own husband over text than i have in years. is this insane?? are we papering over the cracks or could this actually be the thing. mates id ask irl would tell us were nuts so im here. anyone done this from a properly dead bedroom and come out the other side