"discretion only" vs "we have a public insta" couples — how do you mix

we're strict discretion ppl, no public ls presence, no face anywhere. lately we've been chatting with couples who clearly have public insta or even public ls accounts where they post pics at events tagged with location etc. they're lovely but every time we get close to a meet i back out cuz i dont want to be in a story background. is there a way to play with public couples without becoming public yourself by association. or is the answer just "stick with other discretion couples". feels limiting cuz some of the most experienced ppl in the scene are also the most public...