easter dinner with catholic in laws and his cousin almost outed us between the ham and the dessert

still shaking honestly. so picture this. fathers easter table, 14 people, my husbands devout catholic family, his mother said grace for 4 min, his dad asked about our parish (we dont have one), the whole vibe. then his cousin (who knows. she figured it out from a hot tub conversation 2 yrs ago at her cabin and shes been chill abt it) had three glasses of wine and goes — across the table while passing the rolls — "oh you guys should tell aunt mary about that resort you went to in jamaica, it sounded WILD." with that look. aunt mary, 71, devout, "wild how dear?" silence. like 5 seconds of silence that lasted a year. my husband recovered with "oh just the snorkeling, the reef was crazy" and changed the subject to ham. cousin smirked. f44 he 46, married 16 yrs, lifestyle 4 yrs, we mostly go on lifestyle resort trips bc its the cleanest way for us to play (we have very recognizable jobs in our small city). his family genuinely believes we are catholic-lite normies who got lazy abt church. his mother prays for us. the rest of dinner i smiled, did the dishes, played with the kids (his nieces and nephews, we dont have any), kissed everyone goodbye. drove home in dead silence. when we got in the door he said "i need to talk to her" and i agreed. but here is where im stuck. the cousin isnt malicious. she just doesnt get how DIFFERENT his family is from her. she lives in seattle. she thinks "im teasing them harmlessly". in her world the joke is funny. in their world it would be a catastrophe. how does he have THAT conversation with her without basically begging her not to out us. begging feels gross. but the stakes are aunt mary having a heart event lol (only half joking). also btw how do other ppl handle the religious family thing long term. do you ever come out or is this just the rest of our lives, ham dinners and held breath