eating disorder recovery 5 yrs in and the LS is a really complicated mirror, anyone else navigating this

tw — ED recovery talk. nothing graphic but its the topic. im 32, husband 34, married 5 yrs, just got into the LS about 10 months ago, london. i had a serious eating disorder from about 17 to 26. inpatient twice. ive been in active recovery 5 yrs and consider myself recovered in any meaningful sense. i eat. i dont weigh myself. i dont talk about my body in negative terms even in my head most days. ive worked very hard for this and ill keep working on it forever bc thats how recovery is. we got into the LS bc we were curious, like everyone, and the first 6 months were honestly amazing. i felt confident. i felt sexy. i felt wanted. i felt like the version of me my 22 yr old self never thought she'd be allowed to become. the body positivity of the scene — like even the very real scene not the fairy tale version — was genuinely good for me at first. ppl saw me, fancied me, no one cared about a kilo here or there. but recently — and i can feel myself trying to type this carefully — its started getting complicated. the LS involves a lot of looking. looking at others, being looked at, mentally measuring oneself against the other woman across the room, hearing how ur partner talks about her later, etc. and ive started noticing thoughts ive not had in years creeping back in. specifically the "i wonder if she eats less than me" kind of thoughts. and "i should skip lunch on club days". and "i didnt look as good as her, i need to be smaller". these arent crashing thoughts. they're whispers. but the whispers feel familiar in a way im actually scared of. ive flagged it w my therapist (i have a long term one whos specifically ED specialist, ive seen her 7 yrs). shes asked us to pause the LS for a bit while we look at it. weve paused. my husband is fully on board. but i also feel sad bc the LS was actually genuinely good for my body image overall up to this point and i dont want to lose something that has been mostly healing bc of a few whispers. anyone with an ED history in recovery navigating the LS — how are u doing it. are u doing it. is there a way to have the LS without the comparison machinery firing or is it just incompatible w an ed brain. how do u handle clubs where the comparison thing is unavoidable. and how do u tell the difference between a normal "she's hotter than me" thought (which everyone has) and an ED whisper (which im not allowed to have)