esther perel on swinging — what does she actually get wrong from inside the lifestyle

ok controversial post incoming. ive read mating in captivity twice, ive done the the state of affairs audiobook three times on long drives, ive listened to where should we begin from episode 1. love her. she has done more for normal people thinking about desire than anyone else in this century probably. BUT. as someone whos actually IN the lifestyle (early forties wife, husband in his late forties, been doing this together over 6 yrs), i feel like her takes on consensual non monogamy are sort of... outside looking in? like she gets desire and longing and the erotic in a way nobody else does, but when she talks specifically about couples who actually swing or open up, there's this slight whiff of "interesting cultural object" rather than "yeah ive sat across from a hundred of these couples and i get it". i could be wrong. maybe she has and im projecting. but the swinging-adjacent passages always feel a half step removed from the lived reality for me. anyone else feel this... or do u think she nails it and im being weird about it. genuinely want pushback if u have it