fingering crosses into full territory for some of u — where do u land

this is a sub-debate of the BJ debate i guess lol. we had a near miss last weekend where things were getting heated and the other husband started fingering my wife and she paused and looked at me like "is this ok?" because we'd never actually discussed if that was soft or full for us. afterwards we agreed it was fine but it made me realize how many micro-decisions we've never actually talked through. do u count fingering as soft, as full, or as its own category. and how do u handle these in-between things in the moment without killing the vibe