first strap-on for me on my bi-curious husband, what kit do we actually buy and what do we skip

this is a slightly nervous post sorry. me and him have been married 9 yrs, both late 30s, manchester, and weve been in the LS about 3. about 6 months ago he finally said out loud that hes always been curious on the bi side and would love to try being on the receiving end with me holding the kit rather than another bloke for his first time. im fully up for it. honestly im quite excited about it. but ive never worn anything in my life and the online shops are completely overwhelming. fancy harnesses in 12 fabrics, dildos in every size, "beginner kits" that cost more than our wedding dress allowance, etc etc. what i actually need help with is the realistic shopping list. like, do i need an expensive leather harness or is the lovehoney beginner one fine for our first few goes. silicone size, theres a real range from "polite finger sized" up to "absolute units" and i have no idea what an unrelaxed first-timer can actually take without me hurting him. do i need a specific lube (i normally use yes water based) or is there a thicker one for this specific use. cleanup im aware can be a thing, do we want a small enema bulb or are ppl over-prepping these days. and emotionally idk if anyone has tips for keeping the energy connected. like i dont want him to feel "performed on", i want it to feel like sex we're doing together. our usual sex is very mutual and i dont want to suddenly feel like im the active one doing a thing to him. ladies whove pegged your husbands and husbands whove been on the receiving end, what worked, what surprised you, what did you wish you'd known the first time