getting our limits wrong the first time then resetting...

so we wrote down our "limits" in month 2 and thought we'd nailed it. soft swap only, same room only, no overnights. by month 5 we'd crossed all three and felt awful about it not because the experiences were bad but because we'd broken our own rules without talking first. we sat down properly and rewrote everything from scratch and the new list actually reflects who we are not who we thought we should be. how often do you revisit your limits and what made you change them...