"girl crush" couples who nurture vs the ones who actually want to play... how to tell early

something i keep getting burned by. some couples message me describing a "girl crush" the wife has, lots of soft language, want to take me for cocktails, treat me lovely, but when it comes to actually playing she freezes or he takes over and she retreats. other couples do the cocktails AND follow through. how do i tell early which one i'm dealing with so i don't invest weeks into a beautiful slow burn that turns out to be... just a beautiful slow burn with no destination. i'm in perth late twenties, this has happened three times this year. asking for the gentlest possible filter...