he needs to see me, i need privacy... we're stuck

married 11 years, F39 him M42, both in finance, two kids 8 and 10, been playing on and off for 2 years mostly with one regular couple in our area. the issue is plain. he is a same-room guy 100%. like he says watching me with another man is the entire point for him, separating us removes the thing he showed up for. cool. i hear him. me i am the opposite. i feel so seen and judged in same room, i can feel his eyes on me even when he's busy with her, i can hear him breathing across the room, i cant let go. when we tried separate at a vegas party last fall i had the best experience of my swinging life and he had the worst. so now we have this real problem. one of us is suffering at every play session. we've tried "compromise" where we start same room and split later but it doesnt really work bc he wants the watching to be the main course not the appetizer. oh and our regulars are same room only too which kind of locks us in. how do you compromise when same room vs separate isnt a kink preference but a deep wiring thing... do you alternate sessions, do you alternate partners, has anyone solved this without resentment