herpes positive in the lifestyle — how do u disclose without losing every potential connection

F39, hsv-2 positive since my mid 20s (got it from a longterm bf back then, no LS connection). been with dh 14 yrs, he tested neg, weve managed it for over a decade with daily valtrex and ive never transmitted to him. weve been LS curious for abt a yr, finally went to a meet n greet last month and met one couple we really liked. when it came time to discuss next steps i told them in private. they were... polite. but they ghosted within 2 days. i get it i guess. dh is heartbroken for me. but my q is for any hsv+ ppl in the LS — when do u disclose, how, do u find ppl who are ok with it, or is this gonna be a wall every single time. i feel like im about to give up before we even started and idk how to keep going. F39 H42 if relevant