his cancer scare last year changed everything about how we do the LS, dont know how to talk about it

might delete this later. typing on my phone in the parking lot before therapy. f50 m53, married 24 yrs, in LS since 2010. fourteen years of an active LS life together, very stable, mostly travel and a small group of regulars, no major drama ever. last june he got the call about a biopsy from a routine screening. it was 6 weeks of not knowing. the kind of 6 weeks where you don't make any plans and you stare at the ceiling at 3am wondering if you're about to lose your husband at 52. it turned out to be early stage and treatable and the surgery in august went well and he's in remission as of his last scan in march. so this is a story with a good ending so far, thank god. but everything about the LS has changed since then. before the scare we were planning a fall cruise, had two meets on the calendar, the usual. during the scare i couldn't even open the apps. couldn't bear the idea of casual sex with strangers when i was losing him. afterward i thought it would come back. but its been 10 months and it hasn't. i look at our LS friends and i love them and i don't want to play with them or anyone. the only person i want is him. its almost embarrassing to say. he's ready when i am, he said. he's not pushing. but he also hasnt initiated and i don't know if thats him being patient or him also being changed. how do other long term LS couples handle when a health thing rewrites the rules. do you eventually come back. does it permanently shift you. how do you talk to LS friends who keep gently asking "you guys back at it yet". and how do you talk to your husband about it without making him feel like the cancer broke something for you that he can't fix. i feel so much love for him right now and so little appetite for anything else and i don't know if those are connected or different things