honest reflection on what we lost AND gained

wanted to do a not-all-positive thank you post because most of these get a bit rose tinted. what we lost: a couple of vanilla friendships that drifted when we stopped being able to talk about everything with them. a sort of innocence about what we both were capable of feeling. some sleep. a bit of money on hotels and outfits. one weekend at my mums where i was too in my head to be present and i still feel bad about it. what we gained: a friendship circle deeper than anything we had before, a sex life that is genuinely playful at 41 not desperate, words for feelings we never had words for, and a marriage that doesn't feel like a job. on balance worth it. but the losses are real and worth honouring too...