How does your couple handle the line between fun recreational use at parties and "this is becoming the reason we go"

Last weekend at a Vegas club I realised I hadn't actually felt clear-headed at any of the last six events we've been to. Not one. That's when I started writing this. The pattern shifted slowly. Two years ago we'd do a glass of wine, maybe split a bump of MDMA at the bigger ones, that was it. Felt very controlled. Six months ago I started noticing we don't go without taking something now. The "shared bump" became "a half each going in and another half around midnight". A friend introduced us to GHB four months ago for one specific night and we've done it three times since. Nothing dramatic. No overdose, no scary moment, no fight. The reason I'm writing is subtler. The appeal of going has shifted from "the people and the play" to "the chemical experience that happens to involve people and play". My boyfriend doesn't see it that way and gets defensive when I bring it up. F33, he's M35, two years in the scene. I'm not asking for sobriety lectures, we're both adults, we're not in trouble. I'm asking how other couples in the lifestyle navigate this specific drift. Did you set rules? Did one of you call it before the other did? Did you take breaks? I feel like nobody talks about this part of the scene out loud and it must be more common than the silence suggests.