husband had a vanilla affair, weve ended up in ENM... is this healthy or am i kidding myself

this is going to be a lot. about 14 months ago i found out my husband (toronto, hes 44 im 41) had been having an emotional and physical thing with a colleague for nearly a yr. devastating. we nearly split. somehow we stayed and during the most brutal honest conversations of our marriage we ended up at "what if we just stopped pretending monogamy was working for us." weve been ethically non monogamous for about 4 months now and... it weirdly feels right? but also i cant tell if im healed or if im just chasing some kind of evening of the score by playing too. mates would say im in denial. counsellor (who we havent told about the LS yet) thinks were doing really well. am i delusional