i was always the one pushing for LS in our marriage... now im solo and dont know if i actually wanted it for ME

this is a hard one to admit. for 7 years of marriage i was the driver of our lifestyle exploration. she went along, sometimes enjoyed it, mostly tolerated it. now we're split (not because of LS specifically) and i'm on my own and im realising... i don't know how much of it was actually me wanting it vs me wanting US to be the "cool open couple" identity. now im single and could go to clubs every weekend and the desire just isnt there the same way. did anyone else figure out post divorce that they were less into LS than they thought... 41m, dublin