I'm forty-six and I want to be watched. Not by him — by anyone

My therapist would call this a breakthrough. My husband would call it a problem. I haven't told either of them yet. It started during lockdown, weirdly late considering everyone else had their kink awakening in 2020. For me it was 2024 at a hotel pool in Lisbon — a guy was watching me swim, not creepy, just watching, and something switched on in my chest that I hadn't felt in years. I came back to the room and rode my husband like I hadn't since we were dating, and afterwards I lay there and realized the engine of the whole thing was the man at the pool. We've never done lifestyle. Vanilla, twenty-one years married, three kids, two still at home in Manchester. I love my husband. I'm not unhappy. But I've spent the last year fantasizing about being looked at, photographed maybe, watched at a party, and the fantasy has gotten more specific not less. I don't know if I want anything done. I just want to be seen as a person who has weight in a room again. Is exhibitionist energy at forty-six a phase, hormones, or something to actually act on?