is compersion actually real for everyone or are some of us just better at suppressing... genuine question been in the LS three years with dh, weve done maybe 20 meets, and I have heard the word compersion in every single podcast/book/forum and Im starting to feel kinda gaslit by it tbh. when he is enjoying himself with another woman my honest internal state is somewhere between neutral and "ok cool can we wrap this up Im getting bored watching". I dont feel a glow. I dont feel filled with joy on his behalf. I just feel like Im at a play that runs a little long. is that compersion?? is compersion just absence of jealousy?? or is it supposed to be like a positive active feeling and Im just doing the lifestyle wrong. the women on podcasts describe feeling "lit up" watching their husbands and I feel about as lit up as I do watching him cook pasta well. its fine. its good actually. but Im not in some ecstatic state about it. and then sometimes I do feel a little jealousy and Im like ok at least thats a real feeling. the neutral thing freaks me out more. so for real, no judgment, is compersion an actual emotion you experience in your body or is it a vibe you have decided to adopt to make poly/LS feel more wholesome. asking bc Im tired of pretending I feel something I dont.