married to an agnostic anglican vicar and were on the scene, im sat here trying to work out if it actually fits or im just telling myself it does

this might be the only place i can ask this. im 41, my husband is 44, hes a parish priest in the church of england in a small town in yorkshire, ive been a clergy spouse for 14 yrs. weve been on the scene about 2 yrs, mostly hotel meets in leeds or manchester, never within 80 miles of the parish. the bit that needs explaining first — hes what id call a thoughtful agnostic anglican. he believes in the practice of community, the liturgy, the care of ppl through grief and birth and death. he is genuinely unsure about most of the metaphysical claims and is honest about that with himself and with me. hes not a hypocrite, hes a particular kind of modern english cleric and there are more of him than ppl realise. we came to the LS bc... honestly bc our sex life had become quiet and dutiful in the way long marriages do and a counsellor a few yrs ago gave us permission to think about it differently. we started with talking about it, then a club night in leeds that we both loved, and now were regular but very careful. nobody in the parish knows, no one will ever know, weve been ruthless about that. the question im actually asking is — does this actually fit with what we believe, or am i constructing a justification. he genuinely thinks marriage as he understands it (commitment, presence, love, knowing each other completely) is strengthened by our LS practice. i feel that too. but ive read enough theology to know how often ppl construct elegant frameworks around what they wanted to do anyway. how do you actually tell the difference, looking from inside it...