mate told us were just delaying the inevitable... what if shes right

so my best mate of 20 yrs is the only person who knows about our LS life (married 13 yrs, sydney, both 39). i was venting last week about a rough patch and she said very gently "babe i love you but ive been watching you and tom for 5 yrs since you opened up and i think the lifestyle is just letting you guys not deal with the fact that you grew apart years ago." i was furious for 3 days. now im just... sitting with it. because she might be right. tom and i fundamentally want different things from life now. he wants to retire to the country and i want to live in the city forever. weve been kicking that can down the road for years. is the LS letting us avoid the real reckoning?? or is she vanilla and just doesnt get it