My husband is 58, I am 36, every couple we meet basically only wants me and his ego is taking hits

so. we have a 22 yr age gap. been together 9 yrs, married 5, in the LS for almost 2 yrs now. we knew going in this dynamic was going to be a thing and we've talked about it a lot, hes a confident guy in his career, in our marriage, in life generally. but the lifestyle has been doing this slow drip thing to his confidence that I dont know how to handle anymore. heres the pattern. we match with a couple. the convos are warm, both parties engaged. we meet for drinks. somewhere around drink two it becomes clear that the male half is mostly there for me and the female half is being polite to him but not really lit up. by the time we're talking about whether to take it further its basically him sitting out or being a spectator and the other guy and me being the show. and yeah ive enjoyed that on its own merits, but I can SEE it landing on dh, the little contraction in his face when she doesnt reach for him. its happened maybe 6 times now out of 10 ish meets. twice it was actually a balanced foursome and those nights were so much better, both of us came home glowing. the unbalanced ones we come home and he goes very quiet, says hes fine, isnt fine. last night he said "maybe im just the gatekeeper now" and I almost cried. I dont know if this is an age gap problem or a marketing problem (our profile pic is honestly mostly me) or just a structural thing about hetero swinging where his demographic gets less play across the board. anyone been here with a big age gap on his side. is there a way to filter for couples who actually want him too without making the convo cringe.