my parents are properly devout and would absolutely fall apart if they knew about the lifestyle, how do you hold that weight long term

so im in my late 30s, husband mid 40s, weve been on the scene maybe 4 yrs in the london area. were both from religious backgrounds (mine free church scottish presbyterian, his catholic from a small town in mayo) and our parents on both sides are still very much in their faith communities. were talking parents who read scripture daily, parents who pray for us by name, parents who would not understand any version of our actual life. the bit i wrestle with isnt the secrecy itself, weve gotten very good at the secrecy. its the weight of knowing that the ppl who love me most in the world are loving a version of me that doesnt quite exist anymore. my mum prays for me every morning and i know exactly what shes praying for and its not a long marriage with a great sex life and another couple round for the weekend. shes praying for the daughter she has in her head. and that daughter is partly real and partly someone i havent been in about 15 yrs. i dont think i want to tell them. ever. genuinely. id rather hold the weight than detonate their last decade. but the weight is real. some mornings i ring my mum and she says "im so glad youre walking with the lord, hen" and ive been in a club in vauxhall the night before and i have to just hold it. i dont feel like a fraud bc i AM the daughter she thinks she has, partly, and the other parts are not her business. how do other ppl with devout parents hold this over yrs. is there a way to make peace with it or do you just carry the small ache forever...