one sided jealousy: Im totally chill when he plays, totally not chill when I do, what is happening

this one has been bugging me for months. when my husband plays with another woman, whether its in the same room with me or in the next room or whatever, I am genuinely fine. compersion isnt a fantasy word for me, I actually feel something close to it. I enjoy watching him have a good time. I have zero issue with it. when I play with another man, my husband is a wreck. and he tries to hide it but I can tell. he gets quiet. he checks his phone too much. he asks weirdly specific questions afterwards. he sleeps badly that night. and then the next day or two he is sort of clingy in a way he isnt normally. we have never had a "rule violation". the meets are fully equal in structure, same room, same time, same level of intimacy. it is just that something in his nervous system is reading the situation completely differently than mine is. I want to be supportive bc honestly its been wearing on me a little to be the chill one always managing his post-meet recovery. but I also dont want him to white knuckle through stuff that genuinely hurts him just so we can keep playing. is one sided jealousy fixable?? is it always gonna lean this way?? do we just need to slow down the meets where I play and double up on the ones where he plays?? has anyone in this asymmetric setup actually rebalanced over time or is it just how some couples are wired and you work around it forever.