pregnancy scare from a "vetted" partner... i am properly freaking out

i need to vent and also some advice. i'm 38 and we don't want any more kids, we've been LS about 3 years and have a regular play partner we've trusted for ages. condoms always with him, like always always. period was due tues, it's now sat. i never miss. i've done 2 tests both neg but i know it can be too early. the thing is he's the only person we've played with in this window so if i am pregnant i basically already know. dh has been incredible about it, says whatever i decide he's with me, but i can see he's shaken too. how long do i wait before i can really trust a negative test... and has anyone actually had a condom-only partner result in a pregnancy. i feel mad for even being in this position