queer and trans friendly couples, vs queer only on paper, how do you tell the difference

this is similar to the TERF-fearing one but slightly different angle... the couples who put "trans friendly" or "queer friendly" in their bios are a huge percentage of the people we now talk to, and yet maybe 1 in 4 actually behaves consistently with that once we meet. the rest seem to use it as a marketing tag for "we want a unicorn but are too cool to say it directly". what are your indicators that a couple is queer-friendly in practice not just on paper? i feel like i used to be better at spotting this and now everyone uses the same language so the surface signal is gone...