reconciliation after a LS break, what actually changed for those of you who made it

we're in the slow rebuild phase. we separated for 8 months, both did individual therapy, did couples therapy together for 4 of those months, and now we're cautiously living back together and talking about whether we ever re-enter the scene. i want to hear from people who actually pulled it off, not the ones still in the trenches. what was the actual difference between attempt 1 (failed) and attempt 2 (worked)? cuz i can feel myself wanting to skip ahead to "we're fine again" and i know that's the trap. what did you do differently this time around... what would you tell past you