sertraline murdered my libido but quitting feels worse than the dead dick, anyone been here

ok long one sorry. so im 39 he's 41, married 11 yrs, in the LS about 4 yrs now, based outside manchester. last november my gp put me on sertraline 50 then bumped me to 100 in jan bc the anxiety was eating me alive (work stuff + my mum's cancer scare, the works). meds have been a literal lifesaver mentally, i can actually breathe, i can sleep, i havent had a 3am panic spiral in months. but the side effect everyone warns about hit me like a truck. libido just... gone. not low. GONE. like the wire got cut. we did a club night in feb thinking maybe ill snap out of it once we're there and i swear i was watching myself from the ceiling. body wouldnt respond. nothing. couple we were with were lovely about it, soft pivot, we ended up cuddling and chatting, no harm done. but i came home and cried in the shower bc its the first time in 4 yrs of LS that i felt like a passenger not a participant. here's the bit thats messing with my head tho. quitting the meds also feels worse. last time i tapered (yrs ago, different pill, different reason) i ended up in a&e at 3am thinking i was dying. i KNOW the depression/anxiety isnt worth the libido. logically i know that. but emotionally i feel like the LS was this whole part of who i am that has just been switched off and i cant tell if im grieving the meds working or grieving the version of me that used to want it. my dh has been a saint, like genuinely. says he doesnt care, says we can pause, says my brain working is more important. but i can see him being careful with me and i hate being the one whos being careful'd. anyone been thru SSRIs + LS, did your libido come back, did u switch meds, did u just take a break from the scene till u found ur feet... pls dont tell me to "just stop the meds" thats not on the table