sikh couple in surrey bc, quietly on the scene 3 yrs, navigating a community where everyone knows everyone is its own particular sport

so weve been married 10 yrs, im 35 hes 37, were both punjabi sikh, grew up in surrey bc canada where the community is enormous and tightly woven. both of us are amritdhari in the cultural sense more than the strict sense, we go to the gurdwara, we keep our families happy, my husband still wears the kara but stopped the kesh in his 20s much to his mums disappointment. weve been in the LS about 3 yrs, mostly couples meets in downtown vancouver hotels and one trip down to seattle. the thing about being on the scene in surrey is theres literally no privacy possible locally. everyone knows everyone. my mums brother's daughter goes to the same gym as my husbands cousin. you cannot drive to a hotel in surrey without 3 ppl from your community potentially seeing your car. so the entire LS thing for us has been engineered around drive-times-to-vancouver and never ever ever using anyone in the surrey area, not even as friends, not even as online matches. we've made it work but the constant logistical effort is real. every meet involves at least an hour drive each way, sometimes longer if we go out to north van or to a hotel near the airport. weve never been to a club bc the local ones are too risky and the closest "safe" club is across the border which is its own faff. and we have to be careful about who can clock us bc the punjabi-sikh community has a very particular grapevine and a sighting at a hotel bar at 11pm with another couple would unwind in about 48 hrs. other south asian couples in tight communities — how do you handle the geography of LS without it becoming a full second job. is there a smarter way to do this than driving an hour every meet...