small town nz couple, we go to the local church and were also quietly in the lifestyle, the parking-lot-on-a-sunday terror is its own thing

right so my husband and i are 39 and 42, we live in a small town on the south island, both go to the local presbyterian church on sundays, both grew up here mostly, both have parents who go to the same church. weve been on the scene about 2 yrs. our nearest "proper" LS space is 4 hrs drive away in christchurch, plus we sometimes do a long weekend in wellington a couple times a yr. the specific anxiety nobody warned me about is the sunday morning parking lot. like literally the church car park. i can do a hotel meet in christchurch on a friday night, drive 4 hrs home through the night, sleep 4 hrs, and be in the church car park at 9.40am on sunday smiling at mrs henderson whose husband is on the elders board, and the gap between those two ppl im pretending to be smoothly is what gives me the actual cold sweat. not the LS itself, the parking lot. and its not guilt about god, fyi, im actually fairly genuine about my faith and ive thought hard about this and im at peace with my own version of it. its specifically the social compression of being one of about 40 households who all know each other intimately and would lose their minds if they knew. its like the LS works fine in our marriage and works fine in our quiet vetted hotel weekends but the part where i have to step out of the suv in the car park and into the foyer in 6 hrs is the actual hard bit. other small town christians on the scene — how do you do the sunday morning crossover. is there a trick to it or is the cold sweat just part of the deal forever...