spiritual but not religious couple, we've been doing neo-tantra workshops for yrs and recently entered the lifestyle, the crossover is weird and i cant find ppl talking about it honestly

so my partner and i are 43 and 45, brighton based, weve been together 12 yrs married 7, neither of us comes from a religious background really. weve been involved in the wider "spiritual but not religious" scene for ages — neo-tantra workshops, breathwork, the odd ayahuasca thing in our late 30s, ecstatic dance, conscious touch retreats, the lot. so we've been doing nominally "open" stuff in a spiritual frame for like 6 yrs. about a yr ago we crossed into the actual LS — clubs, lifestyle hotel takeovers, couples meets via the apps. and the crossover has been frankly bewildering. the tantra/spiritual scene and the LS scene overlap maybe 15% in terms of actual ppl but they could not be more different in vocabulary, vibe, rules, and what they pretend to be doing. in tantra everyones in soft white clothes talking about energy and the divine masculine and feminine, and yet a lot of what happens at the intensive retreats would not look out of place at a more discreet club night. in the LS everyones in lingerie and corsets and theres no pretence about what its for, and yet some of the conversations weve had about consent and care are deeper than anything ive heard at a tantra workshop. what im trying to figure out — does the spiritual framing actually add something or is it sometimes just LS in nicer clothes with a vocabulary that lets ppl avoid admitting what theyre doing. and does the LS in turn miss something the spiritual frame had at its best. or do they each have a piece the other lacks. anyone else moved between these two worlds and got opinions on the crossover...