submissive in vanilla life dominant in ls... the switch is confusing me

so in our marriage and in regular life im the quieter one. he makes most decisions i defer often. its mostly fine its been our pattern 11 years. but in ls settings im a completely different person. i lead conversations i pick people i set the pace at meets. and ive started to wonder if im acting the dom in ls because im actually that person and our marriage suppresses it... or if im just performing because ls feels like a costume. anyone else live this switch and figure out which way is real