swinger vs open marriage vs polyamorous — the labels war is exhausting, how do you actually self-describe

genuine question from someone who has tried every word and likes none of them. backstory, we're F39 M42, been ENM for 6 yrs ish. started purely as same-room swinger couple, now we both have a couple of recurring play partners (no romance), occasionally go to clubs, occasionally have foursomes at home. i don't have a girlfriend, dh doesn't have a girlfriend, we don't want a third moving in, we don't want anyone meeting our kid, but we also dont want to pretend we're vanilla anymore. so. when someone (vetted, ENM-friendly, asks) goes "so what are you guys" i never know what to say. "swinger" feels too 1970s and also kinda conjures keys-in-a-bowl which we are not. "open marriage" sounds like we're on the brink of divorce, like we made a deal to stop the bleeding. "polyamorous" feels wrong bc we're not seeking love with others. "ENM" is fine but its an acronym and people glaze over. and "lifestyle" is insider language nobody outside the LS recognises. ive seen people on here argue that swinger is a subset of ENM, others argue its a totally separate culture, others claim its all just polyam-lite. and the cultural war between the labels online is wild — polyam people sneering at swingers for being "just about sex", swingers sneering at polyam people for endless processing, open marriage couples sitting awkwardly between both. what do you actually call yourselves IRL. and does the answer change depending who you're talking to.