the friendship that ended after a swap... still hurts 2 yrs on

so 2 years ago we did a soft swap with our closest LS friends at the time. on paper everyone was up for it, talked about it for months, all 4 of us discussed boundries, the lot. happened, was fine in the moment, then her wife developed feelings for my husband and it slowly poisoned everything. she got jealous, started being weird in the group chat, then they just ghosted us. lost them and 2 mutual couples in the fallout. is there a way to vet for this stuff in advance? because i thought we did everything right... still gutted honestly

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