There are all these unspoken vibe codes (eye contact, locker rooms, showers) and i dont know any of them

so weve done a couple of dinner meets but never been inside an actual club yet. doing that next month. and ive been reading old reddit threads to try to learn the etiquette and tbh i now feel WORSE because there are like 17 layers of unspoken behaviour i had no idea existed. stuff like: apparently "lingering eye contact across the room" means something specific. apparently you can signal "interested" or "not interested" with how you stand at the bar?? apparently the locker rooms / changing areas are mixed but theres a whole thing about whether you make small talk in there or not (and the answer seems to be: depends on the club, vibe, and crowd). apparently the showers are sometimes a place where things happen and sometimes are NOT and you're supposed to know which is which intuitively. (m43 f41, married 14 yrs, both very vanilla up to now) how did you guys learn this stuff? did you just walk in and absorb it by watching for like 2 hours before doing anything? did someone tell you? is there an actual rulebook or is this all "you'll get a feel for it" stuff that takes 6 months of going regularly to develop? bc i swear my anxiety is way more about NOT knowing the unwritten rules than about anything physical happening. i can handle nudity, i can handle sex, i cannot handle the existential dread of doing the wrong thing at the bar bc i misread a hairflip.