tipping the bartender at a lifestyle club — same as a regular bar or is there a different unwritten standard

this came up between us in the car on the way home last sat and we cant agree. my husband tips like 20% flat at any bar regardless of vibe. i think a lifestyle club bartender is doing way more than just slinging drinks (theyre often watching out for ppl, calming drama, gatekeeping the cut-off, sometimes even subtly helping w intros) and i tip closer to 30-40% there bc of that. f37 he 40, midsize east coast city, weve been going to one specific club for like 2 yrs now and we recognize the bartender (T) and she recognizes us. she has literally walked over to a corner once when she saw me uncomfortable w a guy and slid in like "hey did u want another drink" as a graceful exit. that one move was worth like 50 extra bucks to me lol. but my husband says 20% is fine and that doing more is "trying to buy goodwill." oh and btw what about tipping at events that aren't at a venue, like a private house party where someone hired a bartender — same rules? higher? lower? we tipped that guy 30% last month and he seemed almost surprised so now im wondering if we're weird about this. is there a community standard or is it just personal. and does the bartender at a lifestyle club actually care or are we projecting