trans folks and the lifestyle — what the scene gets right and what it still gets really wrong

im a 31yo trans woman, partner is 33 cis male, weve been in the lifestyle for about 2 yrs together. our experience has been a real mixed bag. some clubs and house parties have been incredible, no weirdness, just treated as a couple. others have been... not that. ive been asked deeply invasive questions, ive had couples ghost after finding out, ive had ppl be hyper interested in a way that felt fetishizing rather than respectful. wanted to open this up to other trans folks and our partners for an honest convo. what spaces have been actually welcoming for u (and what made them feel that way), what red flags have u learned to spot in profiles or in person, and for cis couples who play with trans ppl — what have u learned that u think other cis couples should know before approaching us. lets get real about this one