we started couples therapy specifically to handle LS stuff and im a bit shocked at how much it has surfaced

so. me 40, him 42, married 10 yrs, in the LS 3 yrs, toronto. we started couples therapy about 5 months ago not bc anything was broken but bc we both had a feeling the LS was pulling on threads of our marriage we hadnt looked at properly. found a therapist who specifically works with non-monogamous and LS couples (worth the search — finding one who doesnt pathologise the whole thing changes the experience entirely). honestly. it has been one of the most useful things weve ever done and also pretty rough. like its been amazing AND ive cried in her office more in 5 months than i did in 10 yrs of marriage. what its surfaced — and im sharing bc i thought we were a "low drama" LS couple and turns out we had whole compartments we hadnt opened. my husband had a quiet thing about my friendship with a guy from a couple we play with — not jealousy, more like he felt slightly outside something that had become a real friendship between me and him on top of the play stuff. id literally never picked up on this in 2 yrs of seeing them. i had a thing about him talking about ex-LS-partners from before me with too much warmth in front of me. he had no idea. there were also a few moments at parties over the past year that wed both "let go" at the time that actually neither of us had let go of, we'd just shelved them. shed have us each write down the thing that had been on our mind that week. wed swap and read. half the time the things were small. but a few of them were "oh thats been sitting on me for 6 months and ive been pretending its fine and its not fine" — for both of us. it has been incredibly clarifying. were better for it. genuinely. but also im realising how much ppl in the LS just assume their communication is great bc theyve had a few "checking in" chats and the answer is "fine". turns out fine is a load bearing word. questions for anyone whos done LS-aware couples therapy — how long did u go for. did u stop once things felt resolved or do u keep going as maintenance. did things get worse before they got better. how do u know its working. were there things u realised in therapy that made u change ur LS practice. did anyone do it and decide to leave the scene, did anyone do it and end up in it deeper. genuinely curious about the range of where this leads