we want hotwife dynamic but humiliation is OFF the table... where do we find ppl who get this

M41 / F38, married 12 yrs, exploring hotwife stuff for about 6 months. we are at the wall of, every bull profile we see is leading with humiliation language. "tell your cuck", "show him whats real", "make him watch and beg", etc etc. its like 70% of the profiles on the apps. we want the dynamic, like genuinely. she has had two great dates with one guy already and i love hearing about them. but the humiliation angle is a hard no for both of us. she doesnt want to humiliate me, i dont want to be humiliated, we want this to be ADDITIVE to our marriage not corrosive. cuck-light maybe. hotwife-respectful. whatever you call it. so where do these ppl exist. is it just a profile filter thing where we keep clicking past the humiliation guys until we find the respectful ones. is there a code word in profiles that signals "im not into degrading the husband". do we just need to write our profile more carefully so we filter out the wrong type before they message. also, are the respectful bulls a much smaller percentage of the pool. it kinda feels like we are hunting a small minority and the loudest voices online are the humiliation crowd which scares away the kind of guys we actually want to attract