we're splitting up and LS was the symptom not the cause but everyone blames it

separating after 11 yrs and every single person who finds out goes "oh well that's what happens when you do THAT". like... no. we were miserable for ages before we ever stepped foot in a club. the LS was actually one of the few things still working between us, weirdly. our issues were money, his drinking, my career stuff, and the fact that we hadn't had a real conversation in 3 yrs that wasn't about logistics. swinging was the only time we connected and even that wore out eventually. how do you explain this to vanilla family without them going "see, told you so"... feeling so misunderstood and tired of defending a life that's ending anyway