what actually counts as soft tho? like oral, fingering, same room only???

genuine question pls dont roast me. my wife and i are looking at our first event and the host couple sent us a long msg about "soft only welcome". cool. but soft to who?? when i google it i get 4 different answers. some ppl say soft = no PIV only. some say soft = no genital contact at all, just kissing/touching. some say soft = same room sex with own partner only. some say BJ is full some say BJ is soft. its like everyone has their own dictionary lol. how do u even communicate boundaries when the words mean diff things to diff couples? do u just ask the other couple to define it themselves before anything starts