wife wears a hijab and we are quietly in the lifestyle, the duality is a lot to carry some weeks and i dont know who to say that to

this is a strange one to post and ive rewritten it 6 times. im in my early 40s, my wife is mid 30s, we live in birmingham, she wears a hijab and observes more of the deen than i do tbh and we have been very quietly active on the scene for nearly 3 yrs now. exclusively private meets, never clubs, never anywhere we could be seen, and we drive to a different city for everything. the duality is the thing i can never put into words to anyone. on a tuesday she is at a community iftar with her aunties helping serve, and on a saturday she is at a hotel meet in nottingham with another couple. both are her. shes not pretending to be muslim on the tuesday and shes not pretending to be something else on saturday, shes the same woman, but the world has decided those two things cant coexist so we live in a small bubble of the two of us holding them at once. what gets me is the LS forums all assume nobody is observant. the muslim spaces obviously assume nobody is in the LS. so we have literally no one. her sister suspects she has "secrets" but thinks shes maybe drinking on weekends or something equally tame. we have one couple we meet with regularly bc theyre the only ppl on earth who know both halves of us and they are not muslim and they are wonderful but its not the same as having a community. is there anyone else here living something like this. how do you sit with the duality. i am not in any kind of crisis about it, my marriage is the strongest its been in 14 yrs and the deen is still in her life on her terms, i just sometimes want to know the world has other ppl like us in it...