A year after chemo. My husband says he still wants me. I dont feel like a woman anymore

Last Tuesday he said it out loud — that he misses us being a couple, not just patient and carer. My head agrees. My body freezes when he touches the scar. Im Aoife, married 14 years, we live in Stoneybatter, Im 40. Last January diagnosed with breast cancer, lumpectomy on the right side, chemo from March to October. Hair is coming back but everything else feels off. My body is not the body I knew. My husband has been an absolute saint through it all. Slept in the hospital chair, brought me tea at 4am when I couldnt sleep, washed me when I couldnt stand. The strange thing is desire came back but not toward him. I find myself thinking about a stranger who doesnt know any of it. A look that wouldnt have pity in it. Im not even sure if its sexual or just wanting to be seen as a woman again. Has anyone been through cancer and found their way back to their own body through sex? Did a strangers gaze help or push you further from your partner? Im not looking for cheerleading, just real stories.